When we point fingers, three fingers are pointing back!

A very important core of the teaching in my newsletters, is the principle of "three fingers pointing back". I want to explain it to you now, so that you will understand it when I mention it in my newsletters.

When we point fingers, three fingers point back, literally and figuratively. This means that, when we identify positive or negative traits in other people, we have these traits too. The stronger our emotion towards the people we are pointing fingers at, the stronger this trait is in us too. The people around us are a reflection of ourselves. We can only change our reflection if we change ourselves.

When we take time to see where we do the same and then change that trait in ourselves, the relationship with the other person will change, guaranteed. In other words, I suggest that when we analyse the situation, we spend little time on what the other person is doing. Most of the time is spent on identifying where we do the same and on how we are going to change ourselves.

It can be difficult to see where we do the same, for the following reasons:

1. We have to be humble enough to acknowledge that we are no better than the person we are accusing.
2. We might not do it to the same person. For example: If Mr. 'B' is verbally abusive to us, this doesn't indicate that we are verbally abusive to him. We could be verbally abusive to another person and quite often we are verbally abusive to ourselves.
3. We might not do it on the same level. For example: We accuse Mrs. 'A' of being untidy in the house, yet we are very organised in our material world. It could indicate that we are very untidy with our emotions. We might let our words just flap out of our mouth without considering what the effect could be on the people around us. When we have an argument, we don't go back and make up.
4. We might not do it to the same degree. For example: A person, who complains all the time, irritates us. We might only complain about a particular job.

As long as we feel an emotion, we know we do the same.

After we have changed ourselves, one or two of the following options will happen, guaranteed:

1. The other person changes too
2. The other person disappears gracefully out of our life
3. The behaviour in the other person doesn't irritate us anymore
4. We become very creative, patient and effective in dealing with the other person.

If we cannot see where we do the same, all we have to do is make the assumption we do the same and ask God "Please show me where I do the same." If we pay attention, it will be shown to us.